I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
