In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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