Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sober January is a disaster.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Terrible idea I love it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
