wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
