Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
