Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
