After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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