Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
