I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
