I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
