HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
