I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
