Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
