small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
