Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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