Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Man, jail baloney is awful.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
