just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
