It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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