I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
