I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
