i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I fill condoms, not promises.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
