Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
