I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
