he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
