At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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