I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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