Umm I'm too high to move.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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