I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
