Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
