I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
