Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
