Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
