But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
