Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
