I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
