Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
