I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
