I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
