We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
