i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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