Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
