actually, I'm a sock model
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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