i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
