Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
