I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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