sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
