But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
