when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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