he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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