If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
